Love in Mrs. Dalloway

    In Mrs. Dalloway, Clarissa is stuck in a weird love triangle/square, and I would like to analyze this situation because it says a lot about the way women and marriage were viewed at the time of this novel. First, let’s start with Clarissa’s relationship with her husband, Richard Dalloway. Honestly, I don’t think she loves him. She seems to respect him and is grateful for all the lifestyle he provides her with, but respect and love are not the same thing. There are two main reasons I don’t believe Mrs. Dalloway loves Richard. She rarely thinks about him and when she does, she focuses on the negatives. We are introduced to what Clarissa thinks of Peter Walsh on the first page and Hugh Whitbread on the third page; Mr. Dalloway had to wait until the fourth page to be introduced, and in that case, he was described as being driven mad by Hugh. I believe first impressions matter, and I find it interesting that Woolf chose to introduce Richard in a situation where he was annoyed. In my opinion, this is meant to reflect one of the negative sides of Mr. Dalloway. Also, a major reason why I think she doesn’t love Richard is that she doesn’t sleep in the same room as him. This part of the story is brushed off as caused by her illness, but she herself admitted that she would much rather sleep in her room, reading. Although part of the reason she wanted to stay in the attic may be because of her reading habits, I think it reflects Mrs. Dalloway’s lack of attraction toward Richard. Additionally, Mrs. Dalloway seemingly isn’t happy since she brushed off Peter’s question and presented her daughter. Her unhappiness may not be solely caused by love issues, but given how much time she spends contemplating what could have been if she married someone else, I think it is reasonable to assume her marriage may not be one governed by love.

            Another major love interest in this book is Peter Walsh, and he is completely head over heels in love with Clarissa. Although he tries to convince himself that he isn’t (“No, no, no! He was not in love with her any more!” (74)), he spends more time thinking about her than he does thinking about his fiancée, proving that he does still love her. While it may seem like Clarissa returns the feelings because she considers alternate realities where she marries Peter instead of Richard, I think this mainly reflects Clarissa’s interest in all the different paths she could have taken in her life. She is at a stage where she is no longer actively a mother, so she reflects on her life, wondering what would have happened if she didn’t live life the way she did. Rather than a wish to redo her experiences, she has a certain curiosity about the progress of her life and which decisions affected what outcomes. One of the decisions she considers is whether rejecting Peter’s proposal was right, so she delves into an imaginary world where she had married Peter. In reality, I think she views Peter more as a friend than a romantic interest. They certainly share a connection and they are similar in certain ways, but that reflects their relationship as friends who grew up together. They know each other inside and out because they got to see the changes that occurred as they both grew up, not because of love. If they were to marry, Clarissa would possibly be just as unhappy as she is with Mr. Dalloway. Overall, these two characters show what life was like for women at the time of this novel; they were expected to marry and have kids. Clarissa chose the safe route by marrying Richard Dalloway, but I don’t think she would have been happy with either of them.

            The final love interest is, for me, the most interesting to explore because it would certainly have been very unconventional in Mrs. Dalloway’s time: Sally. This is the only romantic interest where I think Clarissa truly loved the person. In fact, I’m pretty sure this is the only person whom Clarissa herself admits that she loves when she thought, “Had not that, after all, been love?” (32). Although this is framed as a question, the format seems to imply that the answer is “yes”, and I think there are several context clues that also point to Clarissa’s feelings about Sally. For example, Clarissa seems to enjoy the small things about Sally like her “way with flowers”. This seems like a miniscule, unimportant detail, but to me, it shows that Clarissa appreciates everything about Sally, from her grandiose plans to change the world to the flowers she makes float in water. It is often stated that people are attracted to their opposites, and I think Clarissa values the qualities Sally has that she doesn't have. She would never be brave enough to run around naked after she forgot a sponge or bicycle around the parapet, but Clarissa admires Sally’s ability to stand up to social standards. Furthermore, Clarissa states that she was like Othello because she was in Sally’s presence, if she had died at that moment, she would have been the most happy. She also stated that her kiss with Sally was “the most exquisite moment of her whole life”(35), 30 years after the event. Both indicate that Clarissa has some sort of romantic feelings toward Sally. Unfortunately, this love could only go so far because of social pressure. As mentioned above, women were expected to marry and have kids, and Clarissa would never be able to do either or those things with Sally. If they were to pursue a relationship, they would likely be criticized and looked down upon. Women also didn’t seem to have careers according to this book, so they would have a hard time supporting themselves. The social pressures were so intense that even Sally eventually succumbed and got married. That being said, Woolf’s ability to include such a controversial topic in a popular book may showcase possible changes in attitude toward these types of relationships. Queer relationships were far from being normalized, but at least they could be mentioned in books, exposing people to the topic and hopefully paving the way for future generations.